The easy answer is that a child can decide who they live with when the child is 18.  At that age the child has reached the age of majority, is a legal adult and can make the same decisions any other adult can (except for drinking).

        Tennessee courts are required by statute to listen to the preference of a child at least 12 years old, if the child wants to express a preference regarding which parent he or she wants to live with.  But as one former Hamilton County Circuit Court used to say, "I'm required to listen.... but that doesn't mean I'm required to pay any attention to what the child says."

        This kind of sentiment may sound unreasonable, but it actually simply recognizes that fact that the desires of a teenager often have little to do with what will be best for the child, and are generally more the result of how the child feels, or how the child wants one or the other parent to feel, or which parent has done the better job of bribing or threatening or making the child feel guilty... or which parent the child thinks will let him or her get away with more -- in other words which parent will do the poorer job of supervising and disciplining the child.

        All of that said, however, if the child is responsible and the desire is strong and clearly stated, with some sensible reasons for the preference, most judges will give the preference a great deal of weight in making the decision.

        Judges also can listen to the preference of younger children, and the decision whether to allow the child to express a preference will be made on a case by case basis, depending on the age and maturity and the level of conflict between the parties.

        Courts tend to be reluctant to put the children in the middle of conflict between the parents, and most judges are very sensitive to the stress and internal conflict court proceedings can create in a child.  Because of this many judges ask the parties to allow the child to express the preference in the judge's chambers, with neither parent nor their attorneys present.  While the parties can agree to this if they wish, they also have the legal right to be present, to see and hear the child's testimony, and to have their own questions asked of the child.

To Improve Your Chances
        There are a variety of things you can do to improve your chances of winning custody in a divorce, or in later persuading a court to change custody.  For advice on how to best position yourself to persuade a judge, click here to see Advice In Seeking Child Custody.

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