This article supposedly ran late in 1998 in the Advocate in Red Deer, Canada.  While there apparently is such a newspaper in Red Deer, Canada, (Red Deer Advocate, 2950 BremnerAv Red Deer T4R-1P7 (403)343-2400), I really haven't checked any further than that and don't even know whether there is a Stettler, Canada.... but the story is too good to ruin by checking the facts.
 

of The Advocate
By D'Arcy Rickard

STETTLER -- An 18-year old Stettler man tried to eat his
underwear in the hope that the cotton fabric would absorb
alcohol before he took a breathalyzer test, provincial court
heard this week.

  David Zurfluh was subsequently acquitted of a charge of
impaired driving because he blew .08, the legal limit.

  But the testimony broke up people in Judge David
MacNaughton's provincial court here Thursday afternoon.

  Mr. Zurfluh was collared by RCMP Const. Bill Robinson
after he ran from his vehicle, which had been seen weaving
down the highway.

  While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Mr. Zurfluh
tried to eat his shorts, Const. Robinson told the court.

  Mr. Zurfluh said he ripped the crotch out of his shorts,
stuffed the fabric in his mouth and then spit it out.

  A class of law students from William E. Hay Composite
High, in court as observers, was removed by the teacher when
testimony enlivened the proceedings.  The Grade 11 and 12
students had difficulty maintaining composure.

  "People were leaving the courtroom with tears in their
eyes, trying not to laugh," said RCMP Const. Peter
McFarlane.

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